New Places, New Experiences

The Story About How I'm Trying To Survive After Depression

Welcome to my page, everyone. I would be so thankful if someone read this and shared it. Call me Dragon Witch or Witch to begin with. My favorite nicknames are Miss Dragon and Miss Witch. I'm a Malaysian university student, however I can't say which one explicitly. I'm currently pursuing a degree level until now.

Anyway, I'd want to discuss with you in my blog how I handle surviving in new places while still suffering from depression. To be completely honest with you, I struggle with social anxiety and sadness after losing a place I had always considered to be home. I once made a mistake with someone that both of us had to deal with. He feels uneasy with me, and I am losing his friendship.

I became preoccupied with finding a true lover at that time. Unfortunately, the closer I got to him, further I unknowingly broke his heart. I kept grieving and tried to get over losing him throughout my final semester break before graduating. Sadly, I can't since I feel guilty about making a mistake with him. I then started looking for a job and making art to stop thinking about him. More bad news: I had already been called to continue my degree-related courses. Thanks to my mother, who never stops encouraging and pushing me to pursue additional education.

I therefore had no other option. I have to deal with a brand-new setting, as well as unfamiliar professors, students, and study routines. Sincerely, I detest the location's outdated facilities, which include the hostel, faculty building, and restrooms at my university. I experience some cultural shock when I first arrive, especially because I have to share a room with five other individuals to sleep. My hostel building has five levels. There were two bathrooms on each level, each of which contained six toilets and an eighth shower room. The fact that you had to share a bathroom with other students was the scariest part. While some students kept their rooms exceptionally tidy, others didn't. The hostel does not have an elevator, therefore we must use the stairs. Fortunately, I have level 2. It's likely that there will be a ton of material to bring, which will weary my mother and me. There is simply a convenience store and other unopened facilities nearby; there is no restaurant, vending machine, or art studio.

Furthermore, the bus was free; there was no charge; but, the bus was unable to transport art students straight to their classes due to our faculty's location on a hill and the road's constrained size. The fact that I had to travel the entire distance between my college and hostel without an umbrella or a roof on the sidewalk bothered me. I occasionally have to rely on the sky's weather. I'm on if it's raining or gloomy, but if it's hot, I'll pass out right away, so I should definitely bring an umbrella.

That is all there is to say about my dorm and university's amenities. But there were also other things for which I'm incredibly grateful. For example, I'm glad I've met so many wonderful people and fantastic friends who genuinely care about me. In addition, I'm glad that I'm slowly learning to love and understand the things I love. Because I had no one else to lean on and very few people supported my art while I was depressed. Since I messed up with my friend and became distant from him as a result, I also lost interest in painting and other forms of art. I no longer experience the same delight as I did the first time. In addition, I'm starting to notice beauty in the things I love, including my favorite novels, movies, video games, works of art, subjects, and even nature itself.

I'm still working on accepting myself as I am right now. The past has passed. It only turned into a tale, a memory, or maybe a lesson to be learned. Since there is no such thing as the future and that can only happen if we stay in the present, I don't need to worry about it. At the end, I'm probably going to share you guys on how I still keep trying being alive.

Things That I Did During Living At New Environment While Having Depression

1. Always have time to recharge my energy.

Once you had done with activities or assignment or other things, try to relaxed yourself by either watch your comfort movie, read a book, create art or maybe sleep. I personally will listen to music and sleep to recharge. Because I was a fine art student, I already do so many drawing assignment and even so many things. If I ever bored to listen the same music, I will open YouTube to watch ASMR roleplay video. My favorite ASMR roleplay channel will Moonlight Cottage ASMR or Whisperred ASMR. It helps me to relaxed my mind.

2. Educate myself with knowledge.

During your free time at Dorm, when my lecturer postponed the classes or I just already finish the assignment, instead of scrolling the social media, I try watch motivational video, a tutorial or info graphic knowledge which you could find also from the social media like YouTube, Instagram and Tik Tok. Usually, even I'm an art student, I probably want to learn about camping, nature, herb medicine, travel guide, binding a book and other knowledge which I think can be use for my creativity. Most likely I try to learn new things.

3. Spend time with nature.

One of my favorite thing which I would like to spend was walk through nature. Only so far I just did was passed through the a few tree while going home to the dorm. Probably there were still have some tree were living. Beside, I also manage to visit the Japanese Garden nearby the mosque in Shah Alam. My university was in Shah Alam, it can both called as town and city. But to go to that garden, I have to use money to pay the grab driver since I still does not take the driver license. However, by next time, I wanted to pack my backpack to go hiking at the nearby nature hill.

4. Get Out From Toxic Relationship

A past few years, I have been dealing with so many people. Most of them were gas lighting, manipulate and isolated me. So, I try to stop from being people pleaser or seeking a validation from other people. To do so, I make a friend with people who could accept who I am and love to share their knowledge and their amazing experience. Always avoid from listen to the gossip, rumor or insult. If you ever listen to this thing, try just ignore and only reply, "Okay." Don't argue or fight back. It will be useless to fight against this people. Unless if I really make mistake like accidentally hurt people or break the rules, I immediately apologize but then I try not to blaming myself again like I always did.

5. Stop Asking Other People Opinion

Things that I always do, asking other people's opinion about our personality. Truth is, you don't need to asked their opinion either you good or bad. People have their own unique characteristic, so appreciate yourself more then just pretending someone you are not. However, even so I trying be myself but it doesn't mean I always be myself. I have to use my professional skills in some situations, but other times it's just time to hang out.

6. Always Train Myself To Be Alone

When I was detached, I was never alone. I might become lonely if I spend so much time alone. But because I practice my faith, whenever I felt lonely, I would first try to calm down before praying to my God. Usually, God and I are the only ones around when I'm alone myself. In order to avoid feeling like I was always the one walking on earth, I would constantly talk to my God, pray to him, and ask for forgiveness, protection, direction, and sometimes even company.

7. Explore New Places

I had a social anxiety which makes me discomfort every time my roommate or their friend walked past through my bed. So what I did was, I mostly try to brought myself out from the room. Just go walking around in my university, take random bus, go to the city, go to the book fair or perhaps maybe just spend time exploring the nature, art museum and library.

8. Never Share Too Much With Other, Only If They Asked

Never try to share so many things with stranger even my new friend and roommate. If I had to shared things, I just completely make it simple and not too complicated. Usually I always seeking knowledge with them but not talking about the personal thing. Only talked personal thing with someone that I trusted.

9. Let Go Of Things You Can't Control

Forgive myself. That's what I always do. Forgive myself, never try look back the history. Instead, I try to calming myself and said things like,"If I make a mistake today, tomorrow I will try to be better." It more like small reminder for me. I will try to be better and I appreciate for who I was.

Basically, there were many things I did to keep survive, but this is one of the major things. This is just my sharing experience. It might be useful for you or useful for someone else. Every people have their own way to recover themselves. So don't worry if you stuck or felt lost or give up already.

Inside the misty forest

You were walking

Search for the light

Only eerie sound you hear

and creep of the tree branch you see

But if you

Stop

Rest a bit by

Create a camp

Make a fireplace

Pray

Then continue moving for next day

Maybe it takes a day, month, year or decade to find the light.

As long you try find the clue and use everything nearby to move forward...

You will find what you seek for.

A simple poem that I made for the reader and myself.

Thank you for stopping by and have nice day.